just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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