This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Ketchup is God's man juice
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
