Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
