That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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