Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize