Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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