That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Too much gin, very little bucket
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
