I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize