I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
