The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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