Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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