Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
