Please don't use social media to get back at me.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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