He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
