i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
