we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
