just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
