So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
