I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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