i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
im calling her cock vulture from now on
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
