you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
