those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
