I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
