you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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