So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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