Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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