you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
