and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
