the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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