I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I checked into jail on foursquare
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
