i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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