Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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