I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I stole a fireplace last night.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
