i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
