She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
