Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
