Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
