i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she smelled like a LAN party
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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