question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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