I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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