Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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