at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
