Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
