I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
