The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
