You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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