dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
