I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
