I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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