This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
