If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
