Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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