I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It's blow job season.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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