you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
God I need to hump something, right now.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Pooping to opera.
Randomize