i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
