He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Randomize
