ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
