I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Im part way to drunk.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
