so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
