WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
