I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
