Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
