He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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