if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
