Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize