i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
