how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I cut my penus on the lid.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize