omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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