Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
