Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
