She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
