that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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