anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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