I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
