I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
