3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
