dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
