I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
