Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
and she was petting her beer can
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
