I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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