Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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