I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
