Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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