my room smells like sperm. sweet.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
