Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
