i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
