So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
