You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
