Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
