I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize