He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize