Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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