Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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