yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
