my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
