Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize