you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
